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<title>so that's why i pray each and every christmas day that it won't end- the five times river song went home for christmas by wckdroot</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28294779">so that's why i pray each and every christmas day that it won't end- the five times river song went home for christmas</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wckdroot/pseuds/wckdroot'>wckdroot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>river song and her doctor [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bit of Christmas Angst, Christmas Fluff, Multi, Pond family fluff, River Song deserves happiness, River gets to be with her family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:35:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28294779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wckdroot/pseuds/wckdroot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>River Song is 200 and something and she had had plenty of Christmas' but there had only been a few that really mattered to her. </p><p>The ones she hadn't spent alone. </p><p> </p><p>merry christmas &amp; happy holidays, everyone!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amy Pond &amp; River Song &amp; Rory Williams, Charlotte Abigail Lux &amp; River Song, Eleventh Doctor &amp; Amy Pond &amp; Rory Williams, Eleventh Doctor/River Song, River Song &amp; Anthony Williams, River Song &amp; Brian Williams (Doctor Who), River Song &amp; Rory Williams, River Song/Miss Evangelista, The Doctor/River Song, The Ponds - Relationship, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song, Twelfth Doctor &amp; Nardole &amp; River Song, Twelfth Doctor/River Song</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>river song and her doctor [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>so that's why i pray each and every christmas day that it won't end- the five times river song went home for christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlkillsgod/gifts">agirlkillsgod</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from 'Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End) by The Darkness</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The open fire roared in front of River Song, her eyes closed whilst the simulated heat warmed her body. She hummed along to the faint song that she had begun playing in the background, the one that reminded her of him.</p><p><br/>They had spent another Christmas together.</p><p><br/>Her, Miss Evangelista, Proper Dave, Other Dave, Anita, Doctor Moon and Charlotte.</p><p><br/>A group of ghosts gathering at Christmas.</p><p><br/>The irony wasn't lost on her as she thought about the battered copy of 'A Christmas Carol' clutched between her hands. </p><p><br/>With her eyes still shut, her fingers traced the signs of age that had scarred the book even in its replica version - Charlotte had taken it straight from her memories. </p><p><br/>The first Christmas she hadn't spent alone was when she was given it.</p><p><br/>----- ---- ------ ----</p><p><br/>Melody's new <strike>stolen</strike> boots scuffed against the pavement as she ran to the front door for shelter. Her frozen hand knocked against the wood before she turned to watch the snowfall as she waited for her Grandad or Dad to answer the door.</p><p><br/>Brian had always had a soft spot for his son's troublemaker best friend/future daughter. He had been the one looking after her, bandaging up her scrapes after falling and being the mediator when the school wanted to kick her out - again.</p><p><br/>He looked after her especially when Rory accidentally blabbed that she had no parents and that she lived in the care of a man no one had ever seen. Once, he had even attempted to gain custody of her but Mels knew he would never win against the monsters that had stolen her.</p><p><br/>It was when Rory had blabbed again, reciting to his father that Mels had never been allowed to celebrate Christmas, that she found herself at the Williams' door. Brian had immediately invited her around, she already spent every day after school there, and it was no hassle sneaking away from her caretaker.</p><p><br/>The sound of the door opening pulled her from her thoughts. </p><p><br/>Rory hugged her, the ugly pom pom's of his odd Christmas jumper scratching her skin.</p><p><br/>"Mels!" </p><p><br/>She hugged her father back quickly before pulling away to hear his excited rambling.</p><p><br/>"Dad said we can go and play with Amy after if she's allowed out!"</p><p><br/>"Are you going to kiss her for her Christmas present?"</p><p><br/>Mels laughed as she watched him blush. She knew they'd be doing a lot more than an innocent kiss eventually, she was proof of that, but watching him squirm was the best part. </p><p><br/>"C'mon kids! Dinner's nearly ready, always takes a bit harder doing it on my own."</p><p><br/>Brian's latter words were muttered nearly incoherently from the kitchen. </p><p><br/>Her Grandma, Rory's mum, was always a sensitive subject in their house. It was tough for both Williams' after she left them - Melody had always wondered how she had ever been related to Rory, compassionate and loyal Rory who waited two thousand years to be with her mother again.</p><p><br/>In all the time she spent with her father, even after she stopped being Mels and became River, she never found out what happened and they never brought it up.</p><p><br/>Rory tugged her arm to get her to follow him, the two fo them taking their adjacent seats at the dinner table.</p><p><br/>It didn't take long for them both to empty their plates and Mels then found herself sat in the living room with Brian, two presents from him on her lap. </p><p><br/>Slowly, she ripped open the first one and watched as a leather jacket was revealed. Brian told her that Amy had told Rory who had then told him that Mels had wanted it and he couldn't think of anything more her. </p><p><br/>It was the first leather jacket of her collection that spanned decades. </p><p><br/>Eagerly Mels pulled the next present open, a heavy book fell into her lap. 'A Christmas Carol' was printed across the worn leather cover that immediately caught her attention.</p><p><br/>"That book has been in my family for a long time, my Grandma used to read it to my mum every Christmas, and I want you to have it."</p><p><br/>She looked up at her Granddad, the question in her eyes.</p><p><br/>"Rory is more interested in fairytales but you, you remind me of me. In another life, I would've sworn you were my long lost child but for now, you will have to make do with being an honorary Williams."</p><p><br/>"Melody Williams sounds like a boring geography teacher!"</p><p><br/>She chuckled. The tears hit her cheeks before she even knew she was crying them. Mels placed the books next to her new jacket and sprung up and hugged him.</p><p><br/>"Thanks, Gran- Brian."</p><p><br/>If he had ever noticed her slip-ups, he had never mentioned - even over the years.</p><p><br/>Brian had basically been Mels Zucker's Dadwhilst her real dad was busy growing up with her.</p><p><br/>"You're welcome, sweetheart."</p><p><br/>The banging on the door dragged her from her Grandfather's embrace and she quickly wiped her face.</p><p><br/>"That must be Amelia!"</p><p><br/>Melody pulled her new leather jacket over her whilst she heard Rory impatiently run downstairs to answer the door first. She walked to the front door, greeting her mother, who was wearing an equally horrible jumper as Rory's, with a hug then the three of them collectively ran across the empty road to the park.</p><p><br/>Brian eventually enticed them back in from the cold half an hour later with the promise of hot chocolate -a dash of cinnamon in the Williams' and her own.</p><p><br/>Mels Zucker spent that Christmas nestled between her parents on her grandfather's sofa, her happiness remained untampered for once. </p><p><br/>She had found her parents and they loved her, what else could a '<em>terrible psychopath'</em>, according to the lady in her nightmares, hope for?</p><p><br/>----- ---- ------ ----</p><p><br/>The book in her hands still held the initials of those who had held it before her - <strong>B.W.</strong> was proudly displayed above her own <strong>M.P.</strong></p><p><br/>River's eyes opened as she sat up and they fell upon her diary that sat upon the table. She swiped it in her hands however pondered on her next move.</p><p><br/>She could read it again, she could get angry or cry or she could be happy and laugh. </p><p><br/>It hadn't been sad before the Library, before Darillium, before Manhattan.</p><p><br/>Then again nothing was ever sad until it was over, and now everything was.</p><p><br/>But maybe not everything, not if she kept that memory alive.  </p><p><br/>Her fingers scratched at the dried ink on the pages of her diary, another Christmas was etched upon it.</p><p><br/>A Christmas that had given her hope.</p><p><br/> ----- ---- ------ ---- </p><p><br/>River stood in her cell smoothing down the red long-sleeved dress that clung to her curves. </p><p><br/>Was it too much? She thought as her painted fingernails caught on the lace sleeves. River didn't have anyone to talk to about any of this apart from Jack, who had just said <em>'the sluttier the better'</em> if the Doctor was around. </p><p><br/>Even he failed to understand just how much going home for Christmas with her parents' for the first real time really meant to her.</p><p><br/>Amy had sent a package to Stormcage the previous day. Inside River had found the book Brian had given Mels all those Christmases ago, a few photographs of them all (including ones from her future that she hadn't been apart of yet) and a letter inviting her around for Christmas dinner. </p><p><br/>River had guessed straight away that it had probably been interference from an older version of herself, it was always a life full of surprises being a walking paradox. Her mother had explained that it was after the Doctor's 'death' for them, that they knew who she was and they wanted their daughter home for Christmas.</p><p><br/>She pulled her coat over her, the same one she had worn to watch her parent's wedding through a window, and placed the coordinates into her vortex manipulator. Before she pressed the final button, River remembered the dark blue Christmas jumper that lay untouched underneath her bed. </p><p><br/>Removing her hand from her wrist, she bent down and lifted it onto the bed. Her and Amy, well Mels and Amy, had bought matching ones the last Christmas they had spent together. River had been hesitant about bringing it, she knew for her mother that there would always be some disconnect between her life as Melody Zucker and her truth of Melody Pond. If she brought it, then it may finally make them appear as one and maybe her mother would finally accept them all together - her best friend, her daughter and a stranger. </p><p><br/>River couldn't give it any more thought as she placed the jumper neatly in her dimensionally engineered handbag next to her gun and diary. With a final glance around the cold cage she called home, River finally transported herself to the front door of the unfamiliar house that held her only family.</p><p><br/>Her knuckles hovered before hitting the TARDIS blue door, what if they'd changed their mind? Maybe she could wait and come back after she had aged a few years. It wasn't like they'd be able to tell, well maybe the Doctor would bu-</p><p><br/>"River!"</p><p><br/>The gangly form of her husband stood in front of her, <em>their</em> bowtie tied around his neck. River rushed into his open arms where the Doctor then held her tightly. </p><p><br/>"Hello, Sweetie."</p><p><br/>She murmured against the crook of his neck whilst he placed a kiss against the crown of her head. The Doctor gently threaded his fingers through her hair and positioned her face in front of his own, pressing a kiss to her lips that felt cheesily like coming home. </p><p><br/>"Ponds! Your daughter is here!"</p><p><br/>The Doctor shouted as he pulled away. River quickly whipped her head around to check that there were no witnesses to her husband's words - she knew just how capable the people around here were of gossiping.</p><p><br/>"Well, I'd hope you weren't kissing strangers at my front door, Doctor."</p><p><br/>Her husband mumbled as he took a step to the side to let her in which allowed River a clear view of her mother. </p><p><br/>It was the first time she had been there, well the first time this regenerated body of hers had been there - Mels had practically lived out of their spare bedroom before her regeneration. River, for the first time in her life, just didn't know what to do. </p><p><br/>She knew her mother knew who she was, Amy had invited her around with that knowledge in mind, but was it the version of her mother that had healed the parts of her heart she was able to after Melody's kidnapping and the one that would be able to be her parent?</p><p><br/>"Are you not going to give your mum a hug?"</p><p><br/>Yeah, River smiled tearily as she thought, this Amy was her mum.</p><p><br/>River slowly stepped to Amy, her mother sweeping her close within her arms. With a tight squeeze, Amy let her go to speak,</p><p><br/>"We can do diaries in a bit, I am worried about leaving your dad in there without supervision."</p><p><br/>"Mother, I think he is the best cook out of all us. Remember, I have eaten both of your attempts at food at least his is edible." </p><p><br/>She laughed as Amy swatted her arm playfully, the pair of them walking towards the kitchen. River was quick to notice the absence of her husband and spun to find him pouting behind them. </p><p><br/>"What's wrong?"</p><p><br/>"Diaries are our thing, River."</p><p><br/>The Doctor mumbled like a child - apparently he had to act like a twelve year old to match that boyish face of his.</p><p><br/>"Sweetie, you aren't the only one I get jumbled up with and I'm sure you can make an exception for your mother-in-law?" </p><p><br/>Both Pond women raised an identical eyebrow at the Time Lord and watched him squirm under their stare.</p><p><br/>"Fine."</p><p><br/>He huffed before standing between them, linking one arm with Amy and the other with River. She could see his futile attempt to keep a stoic face as they continued to look at him while he spoke. </p><p><br/>"Come along Ponds."</p><p><br/>The Doctor paraded forwards with the women on his arm, leading them to the kitchen where Rory had begun dishing out the Christmas dinner. Her Dad stopped plating up for a minute to greet River with a hug before he resumed, the four of them then took a seat as they began to eat.</p><p><br/>River tentatively slipped her coat off, very much aware of her husband's targeted gaze as the removal of her coat revealed more red fabric and bare skin. </p><p><br/>"Wow..."</p><p><br/>She could feel the Doctor practically vibrating beside her as his eyes burned into her figure. Jack was right really, 'the sluttier the better' had definitely worked in the aspect of enticing her husband. The sound of her father coughing from across the table broke up the tension between the pair with both of them turning to look at him and the butter knife he was clenching in his hand instead.</p><p><br/>"Doctor, remember she is my daughter and I was a Roman for a very long time - I know my way around anything with a blade."</p><p><br/>River couldn't help but laugh. She had seen the Doctor turn around armies at the mention of his name, seen him praised as a god of war but now, she saw him gulp and quiver under the threat of his father in law and a butter knife.</p><p><br/>"Father, dear, he is my husband. He's done a lot more than just look at me like that, he's rather hands on when he chooses." </p><p><br/>"Rivah!" "River!" </p><p><br/>The Doctor and her Dad both exclaimed whilst the women laughed at their boys' reddening cheeks. After that, they had continued eating until Amy spoke up,</p><p><br/>"You didn't think you'd gotten away with it, had you Melody Pond?"</p><p><br/>River's hearts began racing inside her chest. What had she done? Was this all just a ga- </p><p><br/>"Where's your jumper? You better not have gotten rid of it!"</p><p><br/>She immediately calmed herself at her mother's words and the heartfelt smile that accompanied it. River felt guilty that she still couldn't calm herself as she felt like an imposter in her parent's home.</p><p><br/>"Don't worry! I have it here!"</p><p><br/>River pulled the wooden jumper over her head when she had gotten it from her bag. It still held a hint of the perfume that Mels used to wear and the signature smell of Amy and Rory's house that clung to the majority of Mels' clothes.</p><p><br/> "Why does everyone get cool jumpers and I don't?!"</p><p><br/>The Doctor exclaimed, the pout once again returning. River watched as Amy reached under the table to retrieve a box which she then passed to the Doctor. </p><p><br/>"Merry Christmas Doctor, now you get to be a real Pond."</p><p><br/>"Williams."</p><p><br/>Rory interjected.</p><p><br/>"Pond."</p><p><br/>Amy countered with another raise of her eyebrow that forced him to concede his short-lived battle.</p><p><br/>"Yeah, Pond."</p><p><br/>The Doctor excitedly emptied the contents of the box onto his knee. He grabbed the bottom of the identical jumper to River's and Amy's and quickly pulled it over his head, the biggest smile gracing his features.</p><p><br/>"I love it!"</p><p><br/>After dinner, the four of them had migrated to the living room. Her parents took the sofa whilst she sat upon the floor, her head leaning against the Doctor's shoulder. </p><p><br/>For the little girl that still hid inside of her, this had been all she had dreamt of for the past sixty years of her life. </p><p><br/>All Melody Pond had ever wanted was to be loved by her parents and now, maybe she had finally found that love.</p><p><br/> ----- ---- ------ ---- </p><p><br/>River pulled on the fraying hem of the bottom of her jumper as her other hand stilled the turning of her diary's pages.  She watched out of the windows at the snow that fell and covered the ground, a layer of frost covering the glass. </p><p><br/>She had always wondered what she would've done if she knew that was her last Christmas with all of them. The four of them huddled around the table in matching jumpers was one of the last good memories she had of all of them, the Ponds united.</p><p><br/>Charlotte had taken most of the aspects of Christmas from River's mind. After all, she had seen more and lived through more than the others, plus by the time the 50th century had come around it just wasn't celebrated the same anymore. </p><p><br/>River knew now as she stared at the falling snow which Christmas Charlie had taken it from. </p><p><br/>It had been her stolen Christmas.</p><p><br/>   ----- ---- ------ ----</p><p><br/>She felt guilty. </p><p><br/>River felt completely and utterly guilty and maybe rightly so.</p><p><br/>The Doctor would probably hate her if he found out, maybe they would for bringing their past back to them. </p><p><br/>Of course, she had lied when he had said it, </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>"River, they were your parents. I'm sorry, I didn't think."</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>"It doesn't matter."</em>
</p><p><br/>But it did matter.</p><p><br/>It mattered to her that her parents were gone. </p><p><br/>It mattered to her that her relationship with them had been built on quicksand foundations of borrowed time like every other relationship in her life.</p><p><br/>It mattered to her because all she wanted was her family back. </p><p><br/>All she wanted was a family.</p><p><br/>Her hand went to knock at the door, the cold biting at her along with the nagging voice that sounded too much like her husband telling her to run. </p><p><br/>"If you are another carol singer beware I am armed with a c-"</p><p><br/>The door swung open with her mum stood there with a carrot in her hand.</p><p><br/>River stared at her mother, unable to decipher the shock on her face. </p><p><br/>"I can g-"</p><p><br/>Her attempt at leaving was silenced as Amy flung out of the door and immediately wrapped her up in her arms. They both cried as she buried her face in River's curls, both of them unwilling to let go.</p><p><br/>"Melody..."</p><p><br/>Amy's whisper was nearly lost in the overwhelming backdrop of Manhattan. The heavy snow coated their bodies as the mother and daughter stood there for what seemed like hours as if letting go would cause them to disappear. </p><p><br/>"Mom?"</p><p><br/>A new much, much younger voice joined them, one she had never had the chance to hear before. They pulled apart, Amy immediately taking River's hand as well as the tinier one of the newcomer. </p><p><br/>She knew who it was. </p><p><br/>Of course she did, as she looked down at the little boy who clutched <strike>her</strike> their mother's hand. River had kept track of him over the years from afar after the first time he had shown up at Brian's - she had always checked up on her Grandad, every chance she got.</p><p><br/>The first time had been when he had been given the burden of explaining Manhattan to Brian. The Doctor was too much of a coward, too wrapped up in himself and for River, it was just too complicated. </p><p><br/>They'd all agreed that Brian was never to know about who she was. That his near enough adopted daughter was actually his granddaughter, who also happened to be married to Amy's imaginary best friend - it was easy to see why her brother had been chosen to tell him instead but that didn't make it hurt any less.</p><p><br/>River tilted her head downwards to meet his hazel eyes. It was funny really, he looked more like their child than she had ever done. As she attempted to introduce herself, the amount he knew about her unknown, River was interrupted by the boy himself.</p><p><br/>"Melody!"</p><p><br/>She could barely keep her balance on the snow covered stairs, her mother's hand her only anchor, as he flung himself forward and wrapped his arms tightly around her legs. River ruffled his hair with her free hand but looked at her mum with an unspoken question in her eye.</p><p><br/>"You didn't think we wouldn't tell him about his brilliant big sister, did you?"</p><p><br/>For the record, she <em>definitely</em> didn't start crying again.</p><p><br/>"Rory Pond, get in here now!" </p><p><br/>River could feel her heart hammering in her chest as she watched her father come into view, her presence shielded by her mother's lanky figure.</p><p><br/>"I just got the turkey out, what's happen-" </p><p><br/>Still hidden, she listened to Rory's footsteps as he approached his wife and they all could smell the turkey that he balanced in his hands.</p><p><br/>"Our daughter came to visit."</p><p><br/>She watched as her mother finally moved, the surprise of his daughter causing a knee-jerk reaction as his hands released the tray. River carefully balanced the plated turkey in her hand, the other one still clasped in Amy's as she watched Rory begin to cry.</p><p><br/>Quickly, River handed the turkey off to Amy when she saw her father stepping forward to embrace her. Squeezing her tightly, River allowed the comfort of her father's embrace that she had been without for so long. </p><p><br/>Her first fairytale, her first hero, her Last Centurion.</p><p><br/>"Dad! You're squashing me!" </p><p><br/>The pair had seemed to forget about the little Pond who still clung to his sister's legs.</p><p><br/>"Yes, Father dear, stop squashing my little brother!"</p><p><br/>They all laughed tearily apart from her brother, who just huffed. Rory placed a kiss upon Amy's head, her mother leaning into him as she spoke,</p><p><br/>"So this little gentleman is An-"</p><p><br/>"Anthony, why don't you show me what Father Christmas brought you?"</p><p><br/>She watched as her parent's looked at her in a state of shock. Even after all this time, they still somehow managed to remain confused when she knew things about them when she knew-</p><p><br/>"Spoilers..."</p><p><br/>Anthony excitedly took River's hand in his own and pulled her through to the living room where his Christmas presents lay scattered underneath the tree. He asked her to sit on the floor which she happily complied with as he paraded his multitude of presents around from collections of books to wooden toys. </p><p><br/>River gave him a present off herself, the role of big sister officially filled as he hugged the copy of 'A Christmas Carol' that she had gifted him - she wasn't quite ready to pass on her own to him just yet.</p><p><br/>"Melody?"</p><p><br/>Her brother sat across from her now, suspiciously idle for a child his age.</p><p><br/>"Yes, sweetheart?" </p><p><br/>"How come you haven't come home before?" </p><p><br/>Cowardice. Fear. Grief. </p><p><br/>"I was just a bit busy but I'm here now, that's what counts."</p><p><br/>Apparently, that was sufficient enough as his playful energy consumed him once again. </p><p><br/>"Mum says that you dig up old things and help people too, that's why you haven't been home. I want to do that too! I want to be an arch- archeo-" </p><p><br/>"Archeologist?" </p><p><br/>"Yep! Or an astronaut, or a librarian!" </p><p><br/>Her bones still chilled at the mention of them, the astronauts that in a few years time would be taking flight for the first time whilst a lost, truly young Melody Pond was getting shot by her own mother.</p><p><br/>River looked at her brother, maybe this what her life would've been like. Constant Christmases full of her parents, toys and home-cooked meals. No fear of falling asleep in case Madame Kovarian was going to appear with her nightmare's in tow.  No fears of astronauts or just the general fear of not being enough for anyone.</p><p><br/>"Dinner is ready, kids."</p><p><br/>Her mother's head popped into the room summoning the siblings, Anthony rapidly retaking her hand to drag her to the dinner table. </p><p><br/>"Melody, sit next to me!"</p><p><br/>Anthony insisted, the blonde quick to comply under her brother's smile. Rory stood carving the turkey whilst Amy uncorked a bottle of River's favourite wine.</p><p><br/>River had tried for the entirety of their dinner and the rest of the night as well to not stare at the empty place at the end of the table. </p><p><br/>River had spent the rest of the night trying to forget that they were a Pond down.</p><p><br/>   ----- ---- ------ ----</p><p><br/>A glass of wine had appeared in her hand somewhere between her reminiscing, which River now took generous sips of as she continued to stare at the frozen grounds.</p><p><br/>There had been other Christmas' of course. </p><p><br/>There had been ones she had spent with Jack on some intergalactic cruise or the ones with Nardole where she'd been stuck in a long con. </p><p><br/>There had been Christmas' alone, a bottle of wine and a battered copy of 'A Christmas Carol' her only friends but there had also been the ones with him.</p><p><br/>The ones she had spent wrapped up in the Doctor's arms or running round another alien planet he wanted to show her.</p><p><br/>Her eyes traced the tear stained pages of that last Christmas. He had warned her at the start, 'Every night is the last night for something. Every Christmas is the last Christmas', and how the Doctor had cried.</p><p><br/>How they had both cried. </p><p><br/>   ----- ---- ------ ----</p><p><br/>River had grown to hate Christmas, no longer was her mind comforted with Christmas' with her family but now it was just a reminder. A reminder of her parents and that bloody angel, a reminder that another year had passed on Darillium and that she would have to let her Doctor go soon.</p><p><br/>23 years.</p><p><br/>They were on their 23rd Christmas and their last. River knew that this time next year their night would be over and so would their star-crossed marriage.</p><p><br/>The beginning had been just as hard for both of them. They had always been two orbiting planets, and when they collided it was beautiful yet it burned. For once, the Doctor and herself stuck it out, neither of them giving in to their need to run, both of their past's a cruel predator and their stillness made them prey more and more every day.</p><p><br/>For so long River had doubted his love for her after all she couldn't expect a god to love her back, yet he had done everything within his power on Darilium to prove to her what she truly meant to him. </p><p><br/>He had sacrificed the universe for 24 years, to just be with her. </p><p><br/>That was enough, it had to be.</p><p><br/>River had found herself in bed on her 23rd Christmas morning, their dark blue duvet wrapped around her as she flicked through the worn pages she could recite by now,</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>`I am. That which promised happiness when we were one in heart, is fraught with misery now that we are two. How often and how keenly I have thought of this, I will not say. It is enough that I have thought of it, and can release you.'</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>`Have I ever sought release?'</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>`In words. No. Never.'</em>
</p><p><br/>The sound of the kitchen smoke alarm going off then being silenced by what suspiciously sounded like a sonic screwdriver disrupted her reading. River quietly toed her slippers on and tiptoed out of their bedroom, her book abandoned as she went to investigate.</p><p><br/>Her eyes caught on the disappearing flow of smoke that the Doctor attempted to discreetly waft away as he noticed her presence. She had been shocked and very apprehensive when he had told her that he was going to cook Christmas dinner for them that year - as far as she knew based off the past 23 years, this face of his could barely make a piece of toast - but she had still let him try after all the great Oncoming Storm couldn't be defeated by some turkey and vegetables, right?</p><p><br/>River slowly wandered up behind him and threw her arms around his waist, her wild curls cushioning her head against his shoulder. She sighed as the Doctor continued to act as if nothing had happened as he hummed along to the Christmas song that played on the radio she had gifted him.</p><p><br/>"River?"</p><p><br/>"Yes, sweetie?"</p><p><br/>"I think I burned the turkey..."</p><p><br/>The Oncoming Storm <em>could</em> be beaten apparently. River knew she had no place to judge really, she had been the one that had exploded the first oven with her attempt at lasagne and the second with a birthday cake - it wasn't like Stormcage had been offering culinary classes and her line of work never really required her to cook someone a meal, even on Luna she had survived off the regular food supplements. </p><p><br/>"I'm sure I can get Nardole to grab us something from the restaurant." </p><p><br/>"We've had the restaurant food for the past 23 years. It was supposed to be special this time, River."</p><p><br/>The 'because this is our last one' was left unspoken but present in his clouded eyes.</p><p><br/>"It doesn't matter, sweetie, we are still together - that's special enough for me. One las-more time isn't going to hurt, I'll ring Nardole whilst you be a gentleman and set the table."</p><p><br/>"What would I do without you, River Song?"</p><p><br/>"Not have an extremely sexy psychopath of a wife, although Cleo could try and give me a run for my money."</p><p><br/>They both chuckled, the Doctor planting a kiss upon her lips before he swept into the dining room whilst she found her phone. </p><p><br/>"Nardole?" </p><p><br/>"Is this about dinner? It's already been made, I put in the order for you I didn't have high hopes for that husband of yours. I'll bring it round once I find my hat.</p><p><br/>After the conversation with the newly reinstated independent cyborg friend of hers, she put the phone down and went in search of her husband. River found him still moving around the table that only got used at Christmas (or when he wanted to see if she was still a screamer after all their decades together) placing the plates upon it.</p><p><br/>Four plates placed across the oak furnishing. </p><p><br/>Their own opposite to each other and two more for his Ponds.</p><p><br/>River knows he knows she's watching him, she can see his knuckles whitening as the Doctor continued his task. This older face of his was more open, this one would tell her he loved her if she asked, but it was still the same Doctor that hid behind his actions rather than words. </p><p><br/>He had doted on her since they had arrived on Darillium but he wouldn't talk to her, not really.</p><p><br/>The Doctor wouldn't talk about why when he looked at her sometimes, he looked straight through her like he had seen a ghost. </p><p><br/>Not about when she had caught him about to delete a contract for an expedition to an abandoned library sent by the Felman Lux Corporation. </p><p><br/>Not about what really mattered, not about Amy and Rory and what happened after she left him after Manhattan. </p><p><br/>And especially not about their dwindling future and what came after Darillium's night ended.</p><p><br/>He was still the same old Doctor with impenetrable walls but it was days like this when she knew he tried just that little bit harder for her.</p><p> </p><p>"River?"</p><p> </p><p>Lost in thought, she had failed to see him finish his preparations and how his worrying face had made it in front of her own. Almost as a reflex, River lent forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek as she attempted to manoeuvre away to her seat. The Doctor's hand flew forward a laced his fingers with her own, spinning her back round to face him.</p><p><br/>"River?"</p><p><br/>"What?"</p><p><br/>Those blue eyes of his poured into her soul as they stood in silence. The Doctor's hand slowly reached up and swiped away a tear from her cheek that she didn't even know had fallen. </p><p><br/>"You seem to be having a leakage wife."</p><p><br/>He smiled that stupid grin of his and River could feel her heart mend, just that little bit.</p><p><br/>"I hate you." </p><p><br/>"No, you don't."</p><p><br/>"Are you two in there? Please don't be having sex again, that was more than I ever wanted to see of the Doctor, I'm coming in."</p><p> </p><p>The spouses watched as Nardole barged in, a hand covering his eyes and the other full with a bag of food. </p><p> </p><p>"Just leave it on the table and go away will you?"</p><p><br/>"And Merry Christmas to you too, Doctor. Professor Song, have a lovely Christmas - your husband is still rude."</p><p><br/>"Boys, behave."</p><p><br/>River slowly ushered Nardole outside with a smile, she had her own boys now along with Jack - Amy would've been proud. The Doctor huffed behind her before taking the bag from the table and laying their food out. Both of them ate their meal, swapping stories of their pre Darillium lives that didn't involve one another and even some about her childhood with her parents as best friends.</p><p><br/>"Come along, Pond."</p><p><br/>He uttered as he asked for her to follow him to the living room. Their identical armchairs sat next to each other facing the roaring fire that warmed their cottage. River watched as he pulled his guitar onto his knee, his fingers strumming the same chords he'd been humming in the kitchen earlier.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>'Spend the best part of life stood apart</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>And it still hurts</em>
</p><p><br/>  ----- ---- ------ ----</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>So that's why I pray</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Each and every Christmas day'</em>
</p><p><br/>She hummed along to the melody that still haunted her mind. Everything around her was just a reminder of everything she had loved and lost and it broke her simulated hearts.</p><p><br/>River had managed for most of the day to just forget and to allow herself to get lost in the children's laughter and her friend's cheer.  But now, like it always did, she was forced to realise that it wouldn't be the same again, not really.</p><p><br/>Miss Evangelista's arms that she sometimes took comfort in would never replace the Doctor's. </p><p><br/>The family they had made would never match up to the love of Amy and Rory.</p><p><br/>And the smiles of Charlotte and the twins just wouldn't warm her hearts the same as Anthony's had.</p><p><br/>It would never be enough, but she would just have to get on with it.</p><p><br/>River had responsibilities within the library, the children looked at her now for a motherly role - not by River's own accord, her maternal skills lacked with Kovarian's upbringing yet she had been the only one to spend a few decades as a child. </p><p><br/>It had been her job to put them to bed, reading them 'The Dalek Who Stole Christmas' before she had found her way downstairs to be alone in the silence. That was how it was easy for her to recognise the sound of someone coming down the stairs.</p><p><br/>Her white robes brushed against the floor as River turned, she wouldn't have been seen alive in them but she was dead now, so who really cared? The footsteps became much quicker as they reached the bottom of the stairs and River stepped forward to meet them in the doorway.</p><p><br/>"River?"</p><p><br/>"Charlotte?"</p><p><br/>River could see the worry in the small child's brow as she came into the light. </p><p><br/>"Someone is in our library. They are trying to get in, Ri-"</p><p><br/>Her assassin reflexes immediately kicked in, even in death, as she sprung to catch Charlotte's falling body. With practiced care, River gently lifted her onto the sofa before pulling the usually unnecessary gun from her thigh holster - it wasn't like she could kill them in here, but she could damn well scare them with it.</p><p><br/>"River, what's going on?"</p><p><br/>Apparently awoken from her sleep by Charlotte's distress, Miss Evangelista hurried into the room in search of the child and River.</p><p><br/>"Charlie says someone is trying to get in, I'm going to go find out who."</p><p><br/>"River, don't..."</p><p><br/>She raised her eyebrow at the younger woman, countering her protests and winning.</p><p><br/>"Just be careful..."</p><p><br/>"Tried that once, ever so dull."</p><p><br/>River placed a kiss upon her cheek before carefully exiting through the front door. The snow still fell making it harder to get a clear view of anyone that dared to break into the Library - they must be good if they managed to get through the Vashta Nerada.</p><p><br/>"Are you sure this is the right place?"</p><p><br/>She heard a shout from the bottom of the garden, in the exact position she had appeared the first time. The wind that carried the snow muffled the voice yet River was sure she could pick up a hint of Scottish within it. Slowly, River got as close as she could without being spotted and listened.</p><p><br/>"'Course I'm sure, Amelia." </p><p><br/>"That is not the face you make when you are sure, Doctor!" </p><p><br/>"How do you know? You have only seen this face all of five minutes, Pond!" </p><p><br/>"You are still the same even now even if you've changed."</p><p><br/>River doesn't, River <em>can't</em> trust it yet. She couldn't until the snow finally stopped storming, probably thanks to Charlotte finally realising too, and the garden lights accentuated the frame of her mother. </p><p><br/>Her mum, Amelia Williams, was there. Her ginger hair threaded with streaks of grey and River noticed the way she leant to relieve the pressure of standing on her legs. Wrinkles, that she would never dare to point out, had carved themselves into her forehead, an advertisement that it had been a very, very long time since they had last seen each other.</p><p><br/>Right beside her, where he had always been, Rory stood with his arms crossed. Matching lines framed his face and his hair no longer any shade but grey - hopefully, that gene got cut out among her regenerations. </p><p><br/>And then the third. The supposed stranger. The stranger that even without her mother's mention of their name, River would recognise as her spouse. Her Doctor had finally come back for her, and she had chosen not to do it alone and as a woman. </p><p><br/>Maybe there were such things as Christmas miracles after all.</p><p><br/>River raced forwards, her arms finding their way around all three of them and hugging them tightly. After the shock of her presence, she felt them respond. Her parent's tears hit her and the Doctor's hand clutched tightly at her hip.  After a few moments, River felt the Doctor's hand release her, leaving her to her parents who only tightened their embrace of her, and watched as she put some distance between them to give them some form of privacy.</p><p><br/>"My baby girl..."</p><p><br/>"Mum."</p><p><br/>"Don't forget about your old dad too." </p><p><br/>She placed loving kisses to their cheeks before pulling back to really look at them for the first time in at least a century.</p><p><br/>"How are you even here?" </p><p><br/>"You will have to ask the Doctor about that one. Trust me, she is still very much in trouble for leaving you here and I have told her off." </p><p><br/>"Multiple times."</p><p><br/>The Doctor chirped in, obviously listening in, but she quickly shut up under her mother in law's glare and moved even further away.</p><p><br/>"Plus, your dad did threaten her with the whole <em>'I was a Roman, I have a very pointy sword'</em> thing but I don't think it's that persuasive now he is a silver fox."</p><p><br/>Her <em>wife </em>fidgeted nervously beside them, River's smirk took over as she noticed the movement.  She could already tell that this face of her spouse was more like the one she married and fell for.</p><p><br/>"Oh, I think it still is mother." </p><p><br/>"Still, you better go sort her out yourself daughter, the Doctor always listens to you." </p><p><br/>"I am her wife after all."</p><p><br/>After quickly hugging her parent's tightly again, River wandered over to the Doctor who stood pretending to occupied.</p><p><br/>"You can stop eavesdropping now, Sweetie." </p><p><br/>"I wasn't"</p><p><br/>A perfectly manicured eyebrow got her wife blushing soon enough.</p><p><br/>"You are still an awful liar." </p><p><br/>Both of them laughed, still the same laughter they'd shared for the past centuries of their marriage. The glistening of her Doctor's eyes caught her attention, a tear rolling down her porcelain cheeks worrying her even more.</p><p><br/> "Are you going to tell me what's wrong sweetie?" </p><p><br/>"What?"</p><p><br/>The pad of her thumb swiped the tear from her cheek, her hands remanding to cradle her cheeks in her hand.</p><p><br/>"Oh. That it's the w-" </p><p><br/>"And don't even think about saying that it is the wind because there is no wind, it kept messing up my hair and Charlie couldn't really get it right." </p><p><br/>"What did you say, on Darillium? <em>'Nothing ever is the wind</em>'."</p><p><br/>A heavy chuckle rattled her wife's chest as her eyes fell to the floor. River tentatively tilted her head upwards again, pressuring the Doctor's eyes to find her own. She could feel the Doctor's tears dampening the skin of her palms as she watched the Doctor cry.</p><p><br/>"River, I am sorry, I'm so sorry. I should've come back earlier. I was stupid and I knew if I came back, I would never want to leave and I-" </p><p><br/>"Oh, shut up."</p><p><br/>River pressed her lips to the Doctor's, properly anchoring herself to her home, to her wife in an attempt to say it all without saying anything. She could feel the Doctor's arms flail around her, like the time she had kissed Bowtie in Stormcage after 1969, this new body of hers had definitely not been out for a test run yet - how the mind raced.</p><p><br/>Just as the Doctor finally remembered where exactly her hands should be and was making their way under her robes, a pair of disgruntled coughs came from beside them - the one of her father extremely louder. Reluctantly, the spouses pulled away from one another and found the amused look of Amy and the annoyed one of Rory staring right at them.</p><p><br/>"Daughter."</p><p><br/>"Sorry."</p><p><br/>River took the hand of her blushing wife and ushered her parents along with them to the inside of the manor that she had been forced to call home. The Ponds collectively made their way inside into the living room River had previously occupied, where Miss Evangelista sat with Charlotte curled up next to her.</p><p><br/>River's entrance caused Miss Evangelista to quickly stand and run over to check of the Professor. Her hands traced her body in search of damage and then found themselves caressing her cheek in an unneeded attempt to comfort River. She tenderly placed a kiss to the corner of River's lips, the pointed glare of the Doctor nearly burning a hole in her whilst doing so.</p><p><br/>"Thank God, you're okay. And you invited the intruders inside?"</p><p><br/>"Eva, these are my parents, Amy and Rory," </p><p><br/>Her parents waved at the brunette whilst they smirked at the small simmering form of their best friend who stood with her arms crossed beside them.</p><p><br/>"And you probably remember the Doctor." </p><p><br/>"I'm <em>the</em> wife. Had a bit of an upgrade since the last time I saw you."</p><p><br/>River watched Eva's face drop and then quickly attempt to regain its composure. One doesn't sleep with the wife of a God if they think that God is ever going to turn up jealous. Eva rapidly removed her hands from River and took a step back to distance them, the Doctor's unamused stare getting too her.</p><p><br/>"Oh, hi!... Charlie is waiting for you, River. I'll be upstairs if any of you need anything. Lovely to meet you, Mr and Mrs Song, and it was nice to see you again, Doctor." </p><p><br/>They all watched as she practically ran upstairs in an effort to escape the potentially embarrassing position she had found herself in. River turned around and quietly whispered to her wife,</p><p><br/>"Don't worry, it was purely physical. A woman has needs, and you know how I get after a while."</p><p><br/>River placed a kiss to the shell of her ear, pleasantly surprised to find the metal of an earring under her lips before she turned back to the child that now sat up staring at them expectantly. </p><p><br/>"Charlie?" </p><p><br/>"River, the Doctor is here!" </p><p><br/>"I know, sweetheart." </p><p><br/>"Hiya!" </p><p><br/>River watched the previously passed out child jump up enthusiastically and race towards the Doctor to trap her in a hug, which the Time Lord warmly returned.</p><p><br/>"River told us all about you!" </p><p><br/>"Charlie..." </p><p><br/>"Did she? Start mentioning sunsets again?" </p><p><br/>The Doctor looked wistfully at her yet River attempted too still silence the child, the last thing she needed was a moody/big-headed Doctor on her hands.</p><p><br/>"Charlotte." </p><p><br/>"No. She said, that you are a 'slappable sentimental idiot who needs bloody sorting out all the time' but that doesn't stop her loving you."</p><p><br/>The Doctor looked at with wide eyes, River wondered why the Doctor still didn't understand just how much she meant to her.</p><p><br/>"I'm going to bed now! Goodnight, River! Goodnight Mr and Mrs Song! Goodnight Doctor! Merry Christmas!"</p><p><br/>Charlotte enunciated each bid farewell with a smile and another hug for the Doctor and one for River before she ran back upstairs.</p><p><br/>"She's just like Anthony when he was that age."</p><p><br/>Rory commented as the sound of the child's hasty footsteps disappeared. </p><p><br/>"How is my little brother now?"</p><p><br/>"Not so little anymore. He's just moved to England, he got a job at Torchwood where he runs around and fights aliens, just like his sister! How did I get two danger seeking children?"</p><p><br/>"Mother, we get it from you. Not every nine year old would just go and befriend a man that fell from the sky in a burning police box."</p><p><br/>The four of them took a seat, River and the Doctor on one sofa and her parent's on the other. The Doctor looped an arm around her waist, binding the two of them together as they lent on one another.</p><p><br/>"You never told me how you managed to get in here?" </p><p><br/>River barely listened to the Doctor's explanation of psychic links and the TARDIS, instead, she focused on her attempt to ground herself - the reunion of her family still feeling surreal.</p><p><br/>"So there is a way in?" </p><p><br/>"And there's a way out. Isn't there Doctor?" </p><p><br/>River looked expectantly at her wife, a grin painting the Doctor's face as she wept.</p><p><br/>"Get your coat, Dear. I'm taking you home." </p><p><br/>This was it.</p><p><br/>River would finally be free, not that she wouldn't miss everyone, but being in one prison had been enough.</p><p><br/>She could have another Christmas with Brian, another with her parents, another with Anthony and many with the Doctor.</p><p><br/>The Doctor had managed to give her hope in her final hour.</p><p><br/>The Doctor had given her a million more last Christmases. </p><p><br/>"Merry Christmas, River."  </p><p><br/>The Time Lord whispered then took River's lips with her own. </p><p><br/>"Merry Christmas, Sweetie." </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy holidays everyone!</p><p>i just had to give river the christmases she deserved! and who doesnt like ponds' fluff?</p><p> </p><p>@timegirlfriends on tumblr<br/>@sapphicriver on twitter</p></blockquote></div></div>
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